For many women, self-compassion sounds like lowering your standards. If you’re kinder to yourself, won’t you become complacent? It’s a common fear. But the research says otherwise.
Here are two common myths about self-compassion that we hear often at Mirielle Therapy…
Myth #1: Self-Compassion Means Letting Yourself Off the Hook
Many people assume self-compassion means ignoring mistakes or making excuses. But that couldn’t be further from truth. People who practice self-compassion are more likely to take responsibility after setbacks.
Why? Because they spend less time stuck in shame.
Instead of thinking, “I’m a failure,” they’re more likely to ask, “What can I learn from this?”
Example
When something goes wrong, your inner critic might ask:
“What’s wrong with me?”
Self-compassion asks:
“What’s making this hard?”
It’s a subtle shift, but an important one. One leads to self-judgment. The other leads to curiosity.
Myth #2: Kindness Kills Motivation
Many of us believe self-criticism is what keeps us successful. Research tells a different story. Self-compassion is linked to:
- Greater resilience
- Healthier habits
- Lower perfectionism
- More sustainable motivation
Kindness toward yourself doesn’t lower your standards. It changes how you respond when you fall short.
Example
When something goes wrong, your inner critic might say:
“This isn’t good enough. Do better.”
Self-compassion says:
“Stop comparing yourself. Focus on what’s important.”
Self-Compassion Offers A Different Inner Voice
Self-compassion isn’t about pretending everything is okay. It’s about responding to yourself with honesty instead of shame. Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, who pioneered the study of self-compassion, has spent more than two decades researching how we respond to ourselves during difficult moments. Higher self-compassion is associated with:
- Greater emotional resilience
- Lower anxiety and depression
- Less perfectionism
- Healthier coping strategies
- Greater motivation after setbacks
This isn’t because self-compassion removes failure. It is because it helps us recover from it.
One Final Reflection
Self-compassion isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about changing the way you speak to yourself while working toward them. You don’t have to bully yourself into becoming a better person. In fact, the evidence suggests you’ll go farther when you stop trying.
Photo: Pexels
At Mirielle Therapy Practice, we specialize in therapy for women in New York who are navigating life transitions, identity challenges, and emotional stress. We understand how painful it can be when core parts of your life, like relationships, career, family, or health, feel out of sync. Whether you’re struggling with dating, friendships, work stress, grief, or self-esteem, therapy can be a supportive space to process these emotions and move forward with greater clarity and confidence.
Our experienced therapists work collaboratively with you so you don’t have to face these challenges alone. We offer compassionate, expert care tailored to women in NYC, with a focus on relationship therapy, career concerns, self-worth, and emotional well-being.
@mirielletherapy
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