One of the most frustrating things about anxiety is that it rarely sounds irrational in the moment. In fact, anxious thoughts usually sound responsible, self-aware, or even productive. They can feel like problem-solving, preparation, or healthy self-reflection.

But sometimes what we’re experiencing isn’t reality…it’s a cognitive distortion.

A cognitive distortion is a habitual thinking pattern that causes us to interpret situations in a way that increases stress, anxiety, and self-doubt. These thoughts often feel true, which is why they can be difficult to recognize. The good news? Thoughts are not facts.

Learning to identify cognitive distortions can help you create space between what your mind is telling you and what is actually true.

Here are five common cognitive distortions that quietly fuel anxiety in successful women.

1. Catastrophizing

Catastrophizing happens when your mind jumps straight to the worst-case scenario and treats it as the most likely outcome.

You might think:
“If I make the wrong decision, everything will fall apart.”
“If this doesn’t work out, I’ll never recover.”
“One mistake could ruin everything.”

When anxiety takes over, it can make ordinary decisions feel incredibly high-stakes. Suddenly every choice feels permanent, and every outcome feels potentially disastrous.

A more balanced perspective might be:
“Very few decisions are as permanent as anxiety wants them to be.”

Most decisions can be adjusted, revisited, or recovered from. The pressure you’re feeling may be coming more from anxiety than from the actual situation.

2. Mind Reading

Mind reading is the assumption that you know what other people are thinking and that what they’re thinking is negative.

You might find yourself believing:
“They definitely think I’m awkward.”
“My coworkers probably think I’m behind.”
“Everyone can tell I’m struggling.”

The problem is that we rarely have access to other people’s thoughts. Anxiety fills in the blanks, and it almost always fills them with criticism.

A healthier alternative is:
“You are probably not being judged as harshly as you’re judging yourself.”

Many of us spend far more time worrying about ourselves than evaluating everyone else.

3. All-or-Nothing Thinking

All-or-nothing thinking shows up when we view situations in extremes. Everything is either a success or a failure. Perfect or worthless. Ahead or behind.

You might hear it sound like:
“If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother?”
“If I missed one workout, I’ve ruined the whole week.”
“If I’m not excelling, I’m failing.”

This type of thinking leaves very little room for being human.

A more helpful reminder is:
“Perfection is often procrastination in a nicer outfit.”

Progress rarely happens because we do things perfectly. It happens because we keep showing up consistently.

4. Fortune Telling

Fortune telling occurs when we assume we know how the future will unfold and predict a negative outcome before anything has happened.

You might notice thoughts like:
“This conversation is going to be awkward.”
“This trip is probably going to be disappointing.”
“This date isn’t going to go well.”

Anxiety often tries to protect us from disappointment by convincing us to expect the worst.

The problem is that anticipating failure doesn’t actually make it easier if something goes wrong. It just prevents us from enjoying the present.

Instead, try reminding yourself:
“The future doesn’t need a dress rehearsal.”

You can allow uncertainty without assuming the worst.

5. “Should” Statements

“Should” Statements create rigid expectations about who we should be, what we should feel, and where we should be in life.

They often sound like:
“I should be happier.”
“I should be more productive.”
“I should be further along by now.”

For many high-achieving women, these thoughts are so familiar that they barely register. But “should” often reflects external expectations rather than personal values.

A more compassionate perspective might be:
“I’m not behind. I’m comparing your life to an imaginary deadline.”

Life is rarely as linear as we expect it to be.

One Final Reflection

The more we believe every anxious thought, the more anxious we tend to feel. We start reacting to predictions, assumptions, and worst-case scenarios as though they’re facts. One of the goals of therapy is not to eliminate difficult thoughts altogether. It’s to create enough space to recognize them for what they are.

Photo: Pexels

At Mirielle Therapy Practice, we specialize in therapy for women in New York who are navigating life transitions, identity challenges, and emotional stress. We understand how painful it can be when core parts of your life, like relationships, career, family, or health, feel out of sync. Whether you’re struggling with dating, friendships, work stress, grief, or self-esteem, therapy can be a supportive space to process these emotions and move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

Our experienced therapists work collaboratively with you so you don’t have to face these challenges alone. We offer compassionate, expert care tailored to women in NYC, with a focus on relationship therapy, career concerns, self-worth, and emotional well-being.

@mirielletherapy
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